“One is the other’s refuge. Both are at the same time necessary and useless.”
from where then. to where.
a question of origin. hence one of change.
or of stasis.
plotting the course of the still point.
through the nether regions of a heart in terror.
as if there could be any other way.
any other but through this doubt.
the whirl of the sky about itself.
yet towards what resolve. if there might be any.
or a simple fallacy which would suffice.
for in the end the yearning. the pine for absence.
in all its innocence. yet still profound.
here then that where.
blessed absence. unbidden sought.
there too the only light. in that of forgetting.
though the face of annihilation recognizable just the same.
solitary. and needing witness.
if not a hand to hold. or a word for comfort.
or perhaps merely sighted.
while so many undone.
a single recognition engenders embrace.
so imagine strung here.
between a smudge of heaven. and a bit of hell laid waste.
a sad reprisal of the wordless drone.
the dirge of calm in the expectant haze.
anonymous expanse stretched beyond the windless heart.
a slow embrace until only one remains.
one. with their memory.
the still witness of time. buried there in the dark.
where the turn is toward another sky.
another light. a horizon receding and ever distant.
the laughter of repeating the naught which has become.
and the certainty which has borne it.
a frank confession of having been. and bearing the memory ill.
if at all.
from where then.
or as always so little so late.
the conundrum of knowing not knowing.
though arisal is perhaps not a question.
but instead in answer to.
vague distance upon respite. from the first lash of time.
from out the dark another darker.
an incidence of singular prophecy.
a stark quotation in the void.
once called. not to be revealed.
to the twin inherent.
those which arise upon a third.
two. brought together.
from out of their respective solitudes.
or other wants.
each for the other.
and blind endure the sight.
refuge lost within the glance.
the din of passing and the tired gesture.
these which no longer are any other.
but just the same provide relief. however fleeting.
though still dependent upon appeal.
offerings of gratitude. if only for the question.
petition of witness in firm denial.
do these seek any other.
or lasting instill such faith as can be traced.
in which direction.
fragments of splendour. radiant and tormented.
groundless. as the question revolves upon itself.
and in its whorl resolve.
a temporary exchange of doubt. for an unwarranted certainty.
a lapse in which bliss might appease.
as joined there. in the vacant depth.
of promise. of words spoken.
errant as their meaning. good as silent.
the what is. bearing the brunt of it.
so in the approach allowing the hurt free rein.
the clarity soon receding. to be replaced by that forgotten.
out of which absence such grace has come to be.
alas it comes to this.
knowledge receding. in the face of.
or lingering there. reflected.
does faith lie simply then in returning such grace.
hence the sole necessity upon arisal.
the cautious face of appeal.
how then perceived.
as that of denial.
from the blue torn. or merely shed by the gaze.
handheld by the bitch of stone.
though height would make no difference.
as one so refused. toward the other.
such refusal denied.
or so it seems.
succumbing to a terrible vision of solitude and cynicism.
a plight distinct. upon which they carry.
remaining blind. for to offer.
as if that would sole suffice.
as generosity. or the simple burden of what is.
from out the fear.
might this too find atonement. in its blameless sin.
the confessed radiance of bliss. the crossing which ill remains.
until the last of the three have expired. but only of their own accord.
coupled with the white beyond.
indescript twilight of reason.
and to where.
that effort toward. the inevitable reach which will never grasp.
light shed upon darkness.
not to illumine but only reveal that darker among the shade.
the course of the still point.
that original swell of communion.
to suffer purgatory. or merely blame.
the flesh of reprisal in all its rapture.
hence towards another.
origin without trace.
what might have been equated with grace.
if only the day would allow it.
the arc from the one. while the sight lies straight.
though unbidden. a process of and towards joy.
humble arisal of speech. in answer to.
and there. to remain in a long black sleep.
but even so haunted by dreams.
a combination of solitude and that faced.
the plea for solace. however brief.
lash upon lash.
while from the palm of sight.
the unbidden whither.
outgrown in this expanse. contraction to a single point.
separate. so as not to destroy.
perhaps revealing the illiteracy of the past.
all to avoid it.
from where then. with so much to deny.
the inherent knowing of the pain. stretched between.
and in the end to be without.
a final vision while just begun.
certainty enshrined in a cloud of doubt.
the two equated in sight of a third.
the repetition of which. and in the end.
the uncertainty of forgiveness.
what lies between. without enquire.
the light which binds the darkness.
and to admit such denial.
such gracious assumption. as the other is.
through ecstasy to suffer this.
the nether regions of togetherness.
fabric of frail concern.
that which trembles in and between.
an abdication. the leap so great.
so return to what once was.
skeptical of any profundity.
shelter the light.
get used to and accept the pain.
embraced through exclusion.
in the extreme of uniqueness. the source of all loss.
innocence bearing the greatest of responsibilities.
and to what end.
to what end. the necessary diversion.
the least of which is said embrace.
to what end. such sad knowledge.
the hoped-for joy. so difficult to accept.
saying the departure.
in simple acts of generosity.
having failed in other realms.
what demands. what sacrifices.
strung there. unburden sight.
coupled so easily.
to a voice. from out the dark.
still fade into the land of regret.
baring the need no longer necessary.
witness to be heard. if only seen.
simple things which need be done.
to fall asleep alone. and wake up even more so.
seemingly redeemed by the unsettling of the day.
what must be shed. or overcome.
not the joy found through blindness. but that elemental.
the ever-lessening doubt.
seeking its answer. forever with the knowledge that it shall escape.
unresolved. except through death not its own.
annihilation of the unbidden face.
silent return of an unanswered call.
the ungrasped-for meaning.
by witness retrieved.
so love is not a solution but an hypothesis.
becoming more fluid.
or lack thereof.
revert to an image. vague though just as bright.
an empty room. devoid of value.
without such presence. as error need tell.
acceptance born of this insistence.
the barrenness seeming cruel rather than pure.
for things will fade.
their sad reflection trace a sky not their own.
the time spent in memory and expectation.
unto itself. next to nothing.
enact a true communion.
the possible abandon of the other.
back on the beam of life.
get lost within a gesture.
annihilate the abyss.
the act of concern. held beyond the present distance.
though not for lack of desire or longing
at last ceasing to cease.
when the memories fade behind the presence of the other.
no longer a question.
of origin. or any other.
from where then. to where.
still quite weak.
NYC, October 1995